But here’s the absolutely delicious (and lovable) thing about our little horned beast; they’re not at all what they seem. Underneath that gruff exterior lies a freaking cornucopia of “stuff.” They’re far more out there—off the wall—inside than they appear to us on the outside.


Capricorn is a Feminine, Cardinal Earth sign ruled by the self-expressive Sun. However this Tenth sign on the Zodiac wheel sits opposite Cancer and I’m taking this opportunity right now to blame that direct link with The Crusty Crab for The Goat's at times seeming inability to express them self. Capricorn is named for the constellation Capricorn (said Goat). Being involved with a Capricorn native is a little bit like being lost in traffic. Is it a two way, one way, no exit, no U-turn, no exit, back your shit up and go the other way street? Nobody knows but them and they're not telling you, or you, or you either—they might not even tell themselves.

It's not easy being you is it? Could there be a more misunderstood sign? Dedicated, honest, patient, attentive—what's not to get and love here? The occasional streak of stubbornness, cold calculating suspicion, and anxious pessimism shouldn't be looked at as bad, should it? One thing I do know is that if the Capricorn in your life is the top to your bottom and it’s time for a trip to the dungeon you’d do well to hope that this is one of their dedicated, and patient and loving days. (A trip down those stairs can sting on an edgy day.) But here’s the absolutely delicious (and lovable) thing about our little horned beast; they’re not at all what they seem. Underneath that gruff exterior lies a freaking cornucopia of “stuff.” They’re far more out there—off the wall—inside than they appear to us on the outside. The main reason they live an outwardly reluctant life is because they don’t like to make mistakes, be made fun of, or be teased and rather than try something or someone new and fail, they’d rather not try at all. Sometimes it’s easier to fantasize about having you as they have themselves than it is to make the effort to attempt to bring that little dirty daydream to life. Because of this, Capricorn's surface aloofness (as in faking they could care less) can be misconstrued as remoteness, but if you try a little tenderness and understanding you'll eventually lure them out of the pen. All things come in time, so make a plan. Capricorns appreciate the finer things in life: comfy beds over hard floors and silk ties instead of ropes—I’d even go as far as suggest putting the take out on real dinner plates. Remember it’s not so much what you do as how you do it. They are also especially appreciative of how you do what you do to them. Extra effort is applauded, rewarded—and expected!

Capricorn's erogenous zone is the knees. Does this mean massage and kiss and lick their knees? Does it mean get them down on their knees; hands and knees; feet together, knees apart? Don't come on my tits, come on my knees; can I come on your knees? Can I rub my cock in that little "V" behind your knee? Do you think I can come that way, just behind your knee? Should I just get down on my knees? Who knew about knees? Apparently Capricorn did. Play with theirs and let them play with yours.
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The Capricorn Woman

The Capricorn woman is head-strong and discriminating. She knows what she wants and expects to be pursued. Basically first you have to figure out whether she wants you to chase her...then you gotta figure out the strategy of the chase. You should know that there is a rich garden of earthy delights waiting for the right fertilizer. True, fertilizer is just a nice name for something else, but lay it on thick and lay it on often; the right amount in the right spot works wonders. Envision this:

That organized suit-wearing librarian shelving dusty old tomes in the stacks. Fast forward to our little book mouse splayed on your crisply-sheeted big bed. Glasses off, head back on down-filled pillows—mouth open in a perfect "O." Her fingers are knotted in your hair, your face between her thighs, your tongue buried deep inside her pussy from which emanates a heady odor that could in no way be confused with old literary anything. Your assignment today: How to get from Point A (dusty shelves) to Point B (damp sheets). Off you go!

The Capricorn Man

The Capricorn male may be the last to hand out some sugar sugar but he's the one that wants it the most. Problem is he's never quite sure in the beginning of a relationship just how to ask for what he wants. Self-discipline is a strong point with this one and he's more concerned that you will equate his asking with character weakness on his part. Appearances can be and usually are deceptive because it’s all in the way you stir this man up. He might lack imagination, but stamina is in full supply (as in not weak). When you say, "I want it again, but this way," I'd be surprised if his answer to you was anything other than a heartfelt oozing with sexiness, "Okay."
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Capricorn and Their Lovers

Capricorn-Aries

This may work initially while Capricorn is still happy with the Aries take-charge of everything personality. Unfortunately, Capricorn really doesn't like to be told what to do on a regular basis unless it is positional direction during the act. When Aries veers into take as well as take-charge, Capricorn calls them on it then calls it a day. They might not find asking for specific things to be done to them an easy thing to do but will be made even unhappier if Aries doesn’t try, or worse, just insists on things being done to them and does not reciprocate in kind. It's all about Aries unless you insist with specifics about what you want and Capricorn would rather quit than query.

Capricorn-Taurus

Taurus' overtly affectionate side fits Capricorn's underlying warm and fuzzy nature quite nicely. When Capricorn is secure anything can happen—good things like very very good sex. The possibility exists for a perfect little exotic love nest here. Coffee anyone? In fact let’s move beyond everyday java to a bullish cup of choco latte chai grande steamed stirred and cinnamon sprinkled frothy concoction of you want me to do what mystery. Apprehensive Capricorn’s still tagging along with Taurus; bit by bit, little by little they can be pulled along. Sweet.

Capricorn-Gemini

Oh dear, this won't last for long. Gemini's verbal quickness leaves Capricorn cold. Mix in the disorganization that governs Gemini's life (however endearing) with the appreciation of control that is Capricorn, and we have a recipe for disaster. Capricorn needs verbal affirmation that they are the bomb and Gemini, while acknowledging other people’s sexiness is very unlikely to acknowledge that they think what they’ve got right beside them is even hotter than the rest. (You’re just supposed to know that 'cause they're still coming home to you or with you.) Lack of sentimentality on both sides (Gemini won't express and Capricorn won't ask) makes for an inevitable parting that is more thankful than sorrowful.

Capricorn-Cancer

Forget it. Capricorn's still waters run deep but very hot. Cancer needs to feel needed and wanted but their emotional demands soon wear Capricorn down. Both fear rejection—especially in bed—but they withdraw from each other as they attempt to protect their own feelings from the most often times imagined barbs and slams inflicted by the other. Battered self-confidence on both sides is the usual result. Add an extra dose of Capricorn domination and tyrannical behavior, oh dear. Ouch—and not the good kind. In fact with the sheer emotionality of this duo I’m not sure I’d venture into the more hard core activities. You’d need more than a safe word; you’d need a freaking dictionary.

Capricorn-Leo

Will this downward slide never end? Capricorn—ordered; Leo— exuberant. Capricorn—secretive; Leo—open. Can you see where we're going here? They might rip each other's clothes off initially, but probably more in fury than frenzy. Best case scenario: Capricorn gets to wield the paddle the first time; Leo ties the knots the second; third time's a toss-up, and the fourth is something you could duke out in a ring and take bets on. The likelihood that everything will become a competition is very good making this pairing so not a good thing long term.

Capricorn-Virgo

This is better. Both are orderly, both neat, both like to be at home, both like the company of a few friends. If they can both agree on which special friend they're going to allow into their little circle, good things can happen. May I suggest another Virgo? Capricorn won't be willing to give up the alpha role but with a gentle push in the right direction, a Virgo—or two—will be happy to follow The Goat’s lead. The neighbors will spend hours trying to work out what's going on. (The one that knocks first has figured it out and wants in.)

Capricorn-Libra

Libra is charmed by Capricorn's slowly revealed passions, but needs a constant supply of this newness to remain interested. Capricorn does not see the exotic patterns the Venetian-blind-filtered-winter-sun makes as it dances across your up-turned ass quite the way that Libra sees it. Capricorn sees the dust; to Libra its fairy gold or something else fantastically magically magic. Libra will return to their flirtatious, artsy, social ways; maybe not before the sun actually sets this day, but they will and they’ll probably have the cleaning lady that Capricorn insisted on bringing—most likely right there on the floor amidst the magic fairy gold. You see it don’t you?

Capricorn-Scorpio

Scorpio's possessiveness translates to security in Capricorn's mind. Scorpio's always-smoldering need for sex and limitless imagination ignites Capricorn's well-guarded hearth. When Scorpio says "I'd like to hang you here in the basement, with your hands here, and your feet here," Capricorn will be happy to oblige. What could be more perfect then having your wilder side catered to without admitting you’ve even got one? It’s not that you liked it as much as you didn’t mind it after Scorpio made helpless little you try it. The evil in me thinks that there’s a possibility that you’re letting Scorpio think they’re in charge. The realistic me suggests thinking you’re in charge with this one is a mistake.

Capricorn-Sagittarius

These two work on two completely different levels. Sagittarius's free-wheeling-fuck-my-way-through-life attitude clashes with Capricorn's "I fuck, therefore I am." Sometimes there really is nothing more to be said. Saying that, we have to acknowledge that stranger things have happened, and a union of these two signs may pass the test of time— never say never and all that. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Capricorn-Capricorn

Capricorns like and respect each other's hardworking ways. We've pursued each other and that took a little while but it was pleasant. Neither, however, has the wherewithal to light each other's fire. Capricorns are enthusiastic lovers but someone else is going to have to step in and provide direction here because otherwise it’s as if the porn flick of the century doesn’t get started. Lights, camera…oh, dear…no action. It really is all quiet on the set.

Capricorn-Aquarius

These two will go from lovers, to friends who occasionally make love, to friends who used to be lovers and back again. And there's nothing wrong that. Aquarius is just too self-expressive for self-controlled Capricorn to handle on an extended basis. They’re like that conversation back and forth of "watch me make myself come" and "I don't do that." (Yes you do, everyone does, why are you saying that you don't? It's not a sign of weakness.) Essentially they’re way too different to keep heated things going on for long.

Capricorn-Pisces

Capricorn is the string that holds the dreamy balloon that is Pisces from floating away. Pisces' tendency towards edgy sexual practices helps to loosen Capricorn's natural reserve. Pisces' open and genuine affection makes Capricorn feel secure—and that's all this misunderstood little pet was looking for in the first place; someone to hold hands with before, during, and after the main event. Aren’t they just the cutest?